He woke up. It sure takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Privacy Policy. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? The perfectionist walked into the bar because it wasn’t set high enough.

Something went wrong. I haven’t decided yet.” – Stewart Francis, “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno, “I have a lot of growing up to do. Try out these one-liners and puns. If you can’t convince them, confuse them. I’ve called the SWAT team!” — Greg Davies, “I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.” — Tom Ward, “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician. “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.” – Demetri Martin. Because that’s the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: it’s over before you know it. I had a dream I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up my pillow was gone. William E. Blundell. At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.” — Joan Rivers, “Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.” — Ed Byrne, “I failed math so many times in school I lost count.” — Stewart Francis, “Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. Many more one liner jokes. So we stopped playing chess.” — Matt Kirshen, “Crime in multi-story car parks.

“My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. Something went wrong please contact us at support@fatherly.com. I recently saw a sign that said “Watch for Animals.” What a great deal!

Leopards are terrible at hide-and-seek because they’re always spotted.

Random One-Liners. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. We use cookies to collect information from your browser to personalize content and perform site analytics. I really hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves. Whoever invented knock-knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. She still isn’t talking to me. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Every time I see food, I eat it. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis, “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin, “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” – Rodney Dangerfield. I didn’t like my beard at first, but it grew on me. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me — it means a lot.

Restaurant In Peace. Because that’s the beauty of the one-liner, good or bad: it’s over before you know it. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

We’ll see about that.” – Stewart Francis. Why do bees hum? My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I ate a clock today. Sign up for the Fatherly newsletter to get original articles and expert advice about parenting, fitness, gear, and more in your inbox every day. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Lesbian Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. All books over five hundred pages that weren’t written by Dickens or a dead Russian are better left on the shelf.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot. There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t. Here are funny one liner jokes and puns. Funny One Liners Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, “This changes everything”. Who doesn’t love some good bad jokes — we do! Give us a little more information and we'll give you a lot more relevant content, Oops!

Q: Why was the lesbian sick? In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right. I just found out I’m colorblind. With that in mind, here are 20 clean, funny one-liner jokes for kids that will help them get to the punchline as quickly as possible. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing? Rather than teach your kid long, complex jokes, go with brevity, especially because these quick and funny one-liner jokes can be a little corny. I just found out I’m colorblind. I hope there’s no pop quiz at the class trip to the Coca Cola factory. Whenever I lose my TV controller, I always find it at a remote location. Last week I helped my friend stay put – it’s a lot easier than helping someone move – I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck. Give me the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk. (Not that there’s anything wrong with a cheesy joke.) I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one. Well, the flag is a big plus. I’m throwing a space-themed party for my birthday but I don’t want to planet. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot… but I always found them. A lot of smart young people have come out of Indiana; the smarter they are, the faster they come out.

The person who invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink. Things got a little tense. I’m on a seafood diet. In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Animal testing is a terrible idea — they get all nervous and give the wrong answers, “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. I was going to tell a pizza joke but it was too cheesy.

“People tell me I’m condescending…” (Leans in real close) “That means I talk down to people.

I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. LGBTQ”> Quick, Funny Jokes!

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); (1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist. The one-liner is a tried and true formula that gets quick laughs and will help make your kid the Rodney Dangerfield of preschool.

Any married person should forget their mistakes. I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day — that’s a bit of a stretch. If at first you don’t succeed with a crowbar, pry, pry again. Oops! Riveting!” — Stewart Francis, “People who like trance music are very persistent. A baseball walks into a bar —  the bartender throws it out. The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. How many more times can someone tell the joke about the chicken needing to get to the other side of the street before kids protest en masse for better, funny jokes?

With that in mind, here are 20 clean, funny one-liner jokes for kids that will help them get to the punchline as quickly as possible.

One Liner Jokes and Puns. I finished the puzzle in six months, even though the box said it would take 4-5 years. If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner — all it was doing was gathering dust. And when you want to impress your friends with your movie knowledge, check out these 30 Movie Facts That Will Blow Your Mind. My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly… I’m not a fan. You have a perception problem.

I refused to believe father, the road worker, was stealing from his job, but when I got home all the signs were there. Please contact. Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory: all I did was take a day off!



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